The sun is hot and fireworks have been flying! Summer is in full swing!
Maybe for you summer is a continuation of all the juggling you did during the school year: child care, virtual or in-person work, appointments, managing your children’s needs and squeezing in (or not) the rest…
Or maybe for your family summer offers a little bit of breathing room, time to reset?
How can you make the most of your time during summer break? In either scenario, the warmer weather in many parts of the northern hemisphere mixed with a break from schooling can offer some additional options for fun, connection and emotional wellness.
Here are a few ideas to help you make the most of the summer ahead!
1. Keep Realistic Expectations
Remember, just because you have a couple months of summer stretching in front of you doesn’t mean that you have to schedule every moment of it for your family or tackle every idea or project on your to-do list. Think about what your family needs most (yes, connection, play and fun are NEEDS!) after this past year and a half of unpredictability and heightened stress. Are you, your partner and your kids looking forward to some one-on-one time with one another? Have you been needing time and space to attend to your own needs for connection and self-care? Maybe your family would love to go on some day trips or visit friends and family whom you have been missing. Or could this be the best time to playfully practice a few new strategies you just didn’t have the bandwidth to focus on during the school year? And don’t forget to consider what support you need to attend to your most important priorities. Who can you you recruit to help or exchange care with for the summer?
Basically, think about what is most important to you and your family and prioritize those things so that you don’t end up stretching yourself too thin. Some families have fun creating seasonal “bucket lists.” Others use family meetings and date nights to plan and then focus on one-three key priorities.
2. Build in Some Structure
Structure and nurture are two important dimensions of every parent/child relationship. For many of us (yes, me too!), one of those comes more easily than the other. It is a natural part of our own attachment histories and strategies. Add in that many of us have a child or children who feels safest with a higher level of structure and consistency to their day.
A history of early trauma may have sensitized their nervous system toward being more reactive around changes in schedules, caregivers and thus the change from school year to summer can be bumpy to say the least! So how to keep enough structure without re-creating school and adding stress to your full plate? For some borrowing strategies from school or therapy may be helpful such as having a visual schedule for the day and the week. For others having some morning, afternoon and evening routines that stay the same most days is enough of an anchor to feel safe. But even with the best of intentions plans change! When you know the routine, caregivers or plans will be changing do your best to give your child notice and remind them of what will be staying the same. I like using bedtime as a time to connect and recap the day and preview the one to come. Maybe your child prefers more conversation and notice for such changes and would feel safest having those discussions earlier at dinner time or during your evening walk. It is helpful to consider where your child is at developmentally, as opposed to chronologically, with any of these ideas.
3. Explore Outdoors
When fall rolls around, and you wake up to the first frost of the season, you’ll likely miss these hot summer days, so make it a point to head outside whenever possible! Time outside is grounding and can lift your mood whether it is in the backyard under your favorite tree or on a faraway family vacation. Upping outside time also creates natural opportunities for kids to move in new and challenging ways which builds strength, dexterity and offers amazing sensory input that their growing brains and bodies need. Taking lunch outside to the patio or even taking a mid-afternoon break outside can be an opportunity for everyone to move, soak up some sun and feel refreshed before you need to resume your work day. The outdoors is also a perfect setting for trying messy or sensory activities (think slime, shaving cream, washing dolls and toy cars). From small daily walks and playtime all the way up to a family adventure vacation visiting a national park, spending more time outside could end up becoming the highlight of your family’s summer!
Check out these resources for additional inspiration and community:
Children & Nature Network on Facebook
4. Make Time for Family Fun
When your children are out of school, you have one less set of constraints and stressors for connection and family fun. Life may still be very full and complicated but maybe there is some wiggle room for catching your collective breath. And while your kids will undoubtedly want to spend some time hanging out with their friends, intentionally building in time for connection and making memories can strengthen your relationships well beyond summer. Maybe it is the perfect time to create a family “play list.” Figuring out what everyone’s idea of play is can go a long way to having more fun and connection during your busiest days as well as your family vacations. Part of your family planning could also be scheduling parent-child dates and family adventures for the season ahead.
Often as adults we create lots of expectations for ourselves around what will be the most meaningful and memorable to our children. The reality is that it is often the everyday moments of connection and joy that carry the most meaning.
Is your family struggling with the weight of this past year, the needs of a child or other stressors? Are you wanting help to build greater connection, security and peace within your family? Family therapy can help. Click here to read more about my approach to Family Therapy.
Jeri Lea Kroll is a psychotherapist and parent coach specializing in early childhood, parenting, trauma, attachment across the lifespan and adoption using a lens informed by attachment theory and the relational neurosciences. She is also an adopted person and adoptive parent. She provides relationship-focused therapy and coaching to individuals, parents and families virtually and in-person from her office in Michigan.
Jeri Lea offers a free 30 minute discovery session to those considering parent coaching, counseling or child and family therapy. You can request a discovery session HERE.