Are You Feeling Alone in Your Loss?

• Are you reeling from the emotional impact of losing a loved one? 

• Is each day a struggle as you try to balance everyday responsibilities while experiencing crushing waves of sadness, exhaustion, hopelessness, lack of motivation, loneliness or anger?

• Have the past 2+ years awakened unprocessed grief that you have been carrying alone for far too long?

As we continue to deal with the effects of a global pandemic and racial reckoning many of us are also awash in grief over the loss of loved ones through death and estrangement.  And almost all of us are grieving the loss of what was, in addition to the people we have lost. And then there are the losses unrelated to the pandemic, the losses of marriages, pregnancies, babies and other precious loved ones. It’s a lot to carry. Too much to carry alone.

Symptoms of grief are a natural reaction to the loss of a loved one through death, estrangement, or profound change. We often hear the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, as outlined by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Yet, what many don’t know is that her framework was designed to describe the process a person goes through to accept their own impending death, not the grief of a lost loved one. Another myth is the idea that these stages will unfold in order and for a limited period of time. That just isn’t how it goes for most people. Mix in our culture’s lack of tolerance for sadness and grief and you have a recipe for misunderstanding, additional hurt and profound loneliness.  

Grief is uncomfortable to witness. And most people, even well-meaning people who are devoted to you, will get caught up in their own grief, memories of their own prior losses or the discomfort of watching you suffer. And so, in an effort to adapt and meet the needs of those around you, you may suppress your grief for a “better” time. Or, like many, you may begin to question your own mental health for having feelings that extend well beyond what culture determines is “normal.”  It’s not you. It’s our culture that gets it wrong.  

Here is what I have learned from my own personal experiences of grief: unprocessed grief can keep you from living fully. When we suppress one set of emotions, we are invariably cut off from the others. Suppress sadness and you lose your joy as well. Eventually this can also erode your health and your relationships.

Yet, no matter how traumatic your losses or how alone you have been, hope and healing are available. Grief counseling can offer the support you and your family need to sift through the memories, find meaning, explore the overwhelming feelings, and give you space to eventually create a new vision for your future. 

Grief is a Natural Part of Loving and Longing  

Grief affects us all. Some of us start experiencing losses in childhood and others accumulate devastating loss upon loss. Grief knows no limits.  Regardless of zip code, nationality, race, age, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, or career, grief is a part of the human experience of loving. 

While grief is a normal part of the circle of life, our society makes very little space for grieving.   Even the adults who are afforded the privilege of bereavement time are given a mere two weeks to attend a funeral and take care of some of the immediate logistics of losing a close family member. Yet, what many people see as the end of a period of mourning is just the beginning. There will be birthdays, holidays, family vacations and changes in seasons that evoke memories as well as waves of grief from this point forward. The shape of your grief will change but it won’t disappear. Your love was real and so is your grief. 

And when the loss involves someone or something that others can’t or won’t acknowledge, such as a pregnancy, a dreamed for family, a declining parent or your marriage, it gets even more complicated. There are all kinds of losses, including ambiguous losses. That is one of the collective lessons of the pandemic. What mothers -to-be, adoptees and others have long known is that your loss can be invisible to others.  

In our modern Western culture we also have very few rituals for acknowledging death and loss. Funerals and memorials are often the extent of our shared rituals.  This leaves us on our own to find ways to acknowledge the loss and our ongoing love for a beloved family member.  In cases of miscarriage, infant loss or other losses that are often taboo it is even more difficult to find the support needed to honor the one who has passed. Without societal support, how can we fully grieve and honor our loved one the loves we have lost?

Even with the social cards stacked against the bereaved, there’s still hope. Counseling offers a supportive relationship that does make space for all of your feelings, thoughts and needs. Grief counseling can help you cope with the emotions that arise, anticipate what is to come, make meaning and craft a way forward.  

Grief Counseling Allows You Space to Honor Your Precious Loved One While Taking the Next Step in Life

I offer a safe space where you can explore your experience without judgment. As an outsider to your circumstances, sessions also offer a time free from the responsibility of protecting others from your emotions. All of you is welcome here.

My offering includes a free 45-minute discovery session to see if we are a good fit for one another. This session gives you time to ask questions, describe your expectations and needs and hear more about me and my approach. If we decide to move forward, all paperwork is completed electronically and stored in a secure client portal. Sessions can be virtual (for those living anywhere in Michigan) or in person (for those close to Brighton or Ann Arbor, MI). As a grief counselor, I create a holding space to BE WITH the grief, listen, discern next steps and guide you on your healing journey.

Ongoing sessions may include:

• Support to navigate grief including an anticipated loss

• The use of a variety of activities to express feelings including: creative journaling, music, poetry, prayer and other creative outlets that honor your unique history, values and culture

• Opportunities to explore and create meaningful rituals to acknowledge your loved one and to honor them in the days/months/years to come

• Space to explore how to strengthen your own support network

Wherever we go together in this journey, it is guided by you, your preferences, beliefs and needs. And when you are ready, we will work toward embracing the life you have and finding joy in it without guilt. Whether you are coping with the death of a loved one, have experienced perinatal loss, or the loss of a cherished pet, I can help you find the courage to make space for your grief and find your way forward. 

For more than 20 years, it has been my honor to support individuals and families as they navigate life’s challenges — grief and trauma often among them. 

My approach to grief counseling is strongly influenced by the companioning model of bereavement care, which allows me to be fully present to your experience and walking WITH you rather than offering advice on how to “fix you”. More broadly, my therapy lens is also informed by attachment theory, interpersonal neurobiology, self-compassion, holistic nutrition and polyvagal theory. All of that to say that I see you as the product of your relationships and “what’s happened to you,” not what is wrong with you. I believe we all make sense in that context and deserve love, understanding and support. Having space to come to a new, more compassionate perspective of yourself and your loved ones is my overall goal. My interest in grief and grief counseling is born out of my own experiences of loss. As an adoptee, step-parent, and adoptive parent I have been navigating grief throughout all phases of my life. And when there were traumatic losses, I sometimes got stuck. Reeeeally stuuucckk. And it was devastating for me and my family. I want to offer the support I so needed as an adoptee, an expectant mother and human! You are not alone in your experience. Others have crossed this road before and have found ways to cope, heal and move forward, holding both joy and grief.  A new life is possible.  

Though we can’t bring back your loved one or the life you envisioned, grief counseling can offer hope and allow you to honor them while bringing healing to both yourself and your family.

But you may still have questions about grief counseling...

Therapy is too expensive. Can I really afford it? 

We all go through painful seasons in life, and if you are grieving, even short-term support can provide important benefits.  If you are a parent or partner, with others relying on you, it is especially important to offer yourself the care needed to cope.  Grief therapy can provide you with a supportive companion to be present with you along your healing journey. Therapy and processing through traumatic loss also offers the opportunity for “post traumatic growth.”  While no one would want to grow this way, loss and trauma are often the catalysts for profound growth leading to a stronger sense of self, strengthened relationships, the discovery of hidden abilities, and an increased ability to live in the present with “what is”.

I also offer a few options for those with financial concerns.

I will recover—time will heal my wounds.  Will grief counseling really make a difference?

Time may help in some ways but alone is often not enough to heal and grow through traumatic losses. We are given so many messages about moving on and “looking at the bright side” that it can be hard to find people and spaces where your whole self is allowed to show up. Here, in a safe space with me, your grief, longing, confusion, joy and anger can all show up when they come up. As a non-judgemental presence, I offer space for you to reflect on your past, cope with the present and make plans for the future with your grief in mind.  

You mention that grief is natural but won’t I still be labeled or diagnosed?

No, and I don’t think you should be!  As I have said above, grief is a consequence of loving and longing. It is entirely human and unavoidable. Unfortunately, the medical model of mental health care requires labels and diagnoses for the approval and reimbursement of services. This is one of the reasons I work directly with clients to arrange payment. No diagnosis is needed. Support is important and available for this season and many others.  

Are You Ready to Take the Next Step Toward Remembrance and Healing?

Loss is painful, but you can start to find solace with the help of a therapist. If you’re ready to take the next step toward hopefulness, I invite you to visit my Contact page by clicking the button below to request a free 30 minute discovery session via phone or video conference.  

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