Today my daughter was so reluctant to get ready to go to her preschool.
So many “delay tactics”! Finally after lots of playing and mess making she said, "I don't want to go to preschool today. I just want to stay with you."
ME (to myself): "Oh, of course!"
So we talked about how common it is to have a hard time when adjusting to new things. New routines, schedules and people. All three of which are part of our new summer routine. I told her that many kids, many PEOPLE, struggle with new things, her mama included.
And we agreed to talk about some strategies to help her feel safe and calm over lunch. Then it wasn't more than 2 minutes into eating lunch that she reminded me of one of our favorite mood lifters, the "breath of joy!" She got up from the table and asked me to remind her how to do it and then she did it herself. And then proceeded to do another brain calming routine that I had been practicing just this week (which she had previously declined joining me for).
After, I asked how she felt and she said, "Happy." Getting ready after this was uneventful and when we got there I offered to do some "breaths of joy" with her in the parking lot. She said she was okay and didn't need to.
This experience reminds me of one my core beliefs: "All behavior has meaning."
We had had a bumpy morning which left me feeling frustrated and like I was totally off track in my parenting. But as soon as she shared how she was feeling I was able to understand and empathize with her experience and put it all in context.
It isn't always so quick and easy to uncover the meaning of a child's behavior. It can be bewildering trying to sort out the timing, triggers and common threads. This is often where consulting with a coach or psychotherapist (depending on the needs of the family and child) knowledgeable about early development can become so valuable and save everyone lots of stress and frustration.
If you are in a place of either (1) not knowing which trigger is the one to follow up on or (2) being so discouraged that there are no obvious patterns to your little ones difficulties or (3) so overwhelmed with advice and plans from different well meaning loved ones or providers, then let's talk!
For more information about my approach to therapy visit my Child Therapy page.
Jeri Lea Kroll is a psychotherapist and parent coach specializing in early childhood, parenting, trauma, attachment across the lifespan and adoption using a lens informed by attachment theory and the relational neurosciences. She is also an adopted person and adoptive parent. She provides therapy and coaching to individuals, parents and families virtually from her office in Michigan.
Jeri Lea offers a free 30 minute discovery session to those considering coaching or therapy. You can request a discovery session HERE.